Seeing another possible life is not deciding to leave.
Explore the perceived appeal of time alone, friends, family and other living arrangements. Includes reverse scoring and counterexamples, without judging loyalty or replaceability.
A 1–5 mean requires six valid ratings. A higher value reflects greater endorsement of perceived outside options, without estimating the likelihood of leaving.
An alternative is not only another partner
- This part concerns how you currently view life outside the partnership: companionship and support from friends or family, time on your own, other imaginable daily arrangements, and whether a life not centred on this relationship seems appealing. It records your view. It does not search for another partner or assess how desirable you are to other people.
- In the investment-model background, alternatives include several ways of meeting needs outside a relationship, rather than only finding another partner. This edition asks original questions informed by that distinction. It is not a translation of the original scale, and these six statements have not been shown to measure objective feasibility, future dating opportunities or an intention to leave.
Direction of the mean and reverse keys
- Ratings from 1 to 5 describe current fit. The third and fifth statements concern difficulty imagining alternatives or finding them unappealing; they are reversed using 6 minus the response. The other four retain their values. Six scored values sum to 6–30 and are divided by six for the mean. This direction makes higher values consistently reflect greater endorsement of outside options, without making higher better or worse.
- Any NA withholds this part’s mean and retains the rated count. Five higher ratings do not establish that the missing response would also be higher. NA does not mean a lack of support. All four complete public guides remain available regardless of whether this mean can be calculated.
What can higher and lower responses include?
- A higher mean may reflect being able to imagine an independent life that suits you and recognising companionship outside the partnership. You may still strongly want this relationship to continue. Having other possibilities and choosing your present partner can coexist. Do not treat the number as evidence of infidelity, coldness or being able to replace someone at any moment.
- A lower mean may reflect genuinely preferring current arrangements, finding other options hard to imagine, or facing practical conditions that seem difficult to change. The mean cannot distinguish those reasons. It is not a badge of greater loyalty, and never a recommendation to reduce outside support or make leaving more difficult.
Worked example: an appealing independent life and intention
- In a fictional attempt, Xu answers 4, 3, 2, 5, 3 and 4 in this part’s order. Reversing the third and fifth gives 4, 3, 4, 5, 3 and 4: a sum of 23 and a displayed mean of 23 ÷ 6 = 3.8. Xu is thinking about dependable friendships, enjoyable time alone and imaginable living arrangements, rather than a person they plan to date.
- Xu also wants the partnership to continue. The two observations do not cancel each other out. One possible sentence is: “I value us, and I also want to keep my friendships and time on my own.” This is not a conclusion the partner must accept, but a topic Xu can choose whether to raise. The example prescribes no choice for you.
Counterexample: few perceived options do not prove durability
- Another fictional person, Xia, has recently moved to an unfamiliar city and has not established familiar support. Other ways of living feel difficult to imagine. That response may concern available support and the transition, without establishing that Xia loves a partner more than Xu does. Conversely, knowing many people does not guarantee that those connections can provide help when needed.
- Accordingly, this page does not romanticise lower values as devotion or convert higher values into a relationship-risk band. Perceived feasibility and whether a specific arrangement would actually work are separate questions to check. Never use this number to tell a partner that they have no other options.
How is this different from satisfaction, intention and investment?
- Satisfaction concerns recent experience within the relationship; this part concerns your view of possible life outside it. Greater endorsement of both is not a mathematical contradiction. Continuing intention separately asks whether you want to remain partners now and is not inferred from these ratings. Relationship-linked investment separately concerns valued resources that would change if the partnership ended.
- Do not subtract this mean from five and add it to satisfaction and investment to estimate total commitment. This edition has not validated that calculation and supplies no five-tier relationship classification. Presenting four complete guides together preserves distinctions that a single total can hide.
A private support-map exercise
- On private paper, make three columns: support you can already access; arrangements you would like to understand but have not confirmed; and things you do not yet know. Categories such as friendship contact, space alone or help with daily tasks are enough; no names are needed. Do not count an unconfirmed possibility as a resource you already have.
- Choose one small thing you want to understand, without deciding whether to continue the partnership or proving you can manage everything alone. The map need not be uploaded, shared or graded by a partner. Keeping or seeking support does not depend on a test mean.
Edition limits: circumstances can change what seems possible
- A new city, family arrangements, work schedules and recent social experiences can change how life outside the relationship appears. If you answer again, clarify that you are considering the same partnership and recent month. A changed mean does not establish that a new partner has been found, support has become dependable or leaving is more likely.
- These original self-reports have no established validity, population norms or demonstrated Chinese–English equivalence. They do not judge infidelity, dependency, a partner’s worth or the relationship’s future. Without a current adult partnership, the public guide is sufficient; an imagined relationship is not needed to obtain a number.